Saturday, June 21, 2008

High school friends

After a day out with a friend from high school I came back home and started asking myself why the hell am I still friends with her. Every time we go out together, there is something that bothers me about her. I have a feeling this is mutual, but somehow no one says anything about it and we just keep pretending. Or am I the one expecting too much from friendships. I understand that it cannot be fun all the time and that no one is perfect. It is difficult to find that click 100% of the time. I am not asking for a soul mate but shouldn’t the fun moments out-weight the bad moments. Every time again and again I remember the bad stuff more than the fun stuff. Is this a sign? I ask myself should we start scrabbling some people from our friend list? Is it worth it to keep putting effort in continuing the friendship or is it time to move the ‘friend’ to the ‘acquaintance’ list and just meet on the very but very special occasions?
There is no doubt in my mind that a friendship as any other relationships is like an investment. You have to put something into it, time and energy to get something out of it, otherwise it will fade away sooner then you may think, especially now as grownups in this busy society. Everybody is having their own lives, meeting new people and living miles away from each other.
I just realized how easy friendships were in school. We will just meet everyday, talk about what happened yesterday; go through most of the day together without having to check our diaries first. It’s even hard now in college, with everybody having different classes and schedules. It’s so much harder to make true friends now. There is hardly someone you get to see that often in order to create that undeniable bond that only spending nonsense time with each other creates. It is this bond that makes it so difficult for me to say goodbye. From now on it will be difficult to make friends as my high school friends. Friends that know you from a long time ago and that have been there with you during the critical process called growing up. They have been there during those very memorable moments that you will always remember, that first kiss, your first boyfriend, those mean girls at school. It is stupid to say that those friends will not always have a role in the person I’ve become and will become. They will always have a special place in my heart and memory.
But we all have changed a lot. We have all gone through different paths. Even though you would like to hold on to those old times, you cannot help noticing that times have simply changed.
Is it time for us just to face and accept the fact that we have grown apart. Letting go and saying goodbye is probably the most difficult thing to do in any relationship in which you have gone through so many things together. But it is probably something necessary to keep going on.

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